A Page From the Journal---Hurricane Rita

October 2, 2005

I woke early today, while it was still dark outside. The street lights have been snuffed out by the wrath of Ms. Rita and even the sight of headlights is rare. The silence is almost eery. The city--for the moment--is declared "closed," and actually, I think it may even be illegal for me to be here. But I've chosen to maintain a low profile and stay put. The few officials who are aware of my presence come by to check on me at odd hours and that's been wonderful. And they always come bearing gifts--bags of ice, cases of juice and water, non-perishables. I've got lots to do to restore my property to a state of orderliness and evacuating will only prolong the progress. There's a gazillion leaves to rake and bag and dozens of branches to drag to the curb but as the sun comes up it becomes hotter than hell in this humid aftermath so I must utilize the early morning and late evening hours to complete my tasks.
As I walked across the cold concrete driveway, I noticed the sky was still full of stars. Walking further, an owl greeted me with a full and resonant hooting sound coming from the woods behind the house. This quiet nightscape was actually full of sound, of fresh and damp morning air, of an endless starry sky that seemed to wrap me into itself. I was at once enfolded in the presence of God, unable to feel any boundaries. What an awesome feeling of divine love. What a comfort to know that this enfolding happens not because of who we are, but because of who He is. Not because of our personalities, our deeds, or our intentions, but rather, it's all about Him. In this moment of pure holding, in a moment that seems all too brief, I recognize the person in me that came into this world full of possibility and destined for joyful unveiling and manifestation. This person within is sheltered and usually hidden beneath the thick layers of indoctrination of who I usually see myself to be, beneath convention and programming, beneath all the shoulds and oughts, and all the plans that were made for me by my family and culture. In this moment I feel the pure lightness of this self, the unbounded freedom inherent in my entity. This – my original self – how do I describe her? Well, she is open, naked, uninhibited. She is inquisitive, receptive, and responsive. Though at times unaware of self, she views her intimate world to be emanating from her very self. She is not separate from others; indeed everything she sees seems to be an inexplicable extension of herself. She hungrily searches for eyes, for glimmers of knowing recognition in others. And when she feels this recognition her whole body responds with joyful exuberance. She reacts with amazement at the simplest of miracles. She knows God in a personal and real way, therefore, she knows what real love is, and each day she prays for multifaceted prosperity in her life and in the life of the yet unknown man who will one day be her covenant mate.
In the immediacy of this moment, this fresh moment standing enveloped in darkness, I am alert and conscious, engaged in the immensity of God's magnificent creations. The reality of my smallness is unveiled just as the early light illuminates the low fog rising in the nearby woods. Little me - I am so small, just a speck on the planet, yet not insignificant. I remember who I am. But greater than that, I'm reminded that He knows me better that I know myself. What an awesome God he is. What an awesome plan I believe He has for me.