Life with Andi

I need help. Big help. My ten month old puppy has taken over my domain. She does not understand that when I say "MOVE" it means to go somewhere else, not just change positions and still be in the way. How do I teach her that the dishes with the paw prints are hers and contain her food and the other dishes are mine and contain my food? I need help conveying to her that placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it becoming her food dish, nor is it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. She doesn't understand that the stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me does not help, because it's already been proven that I can fall down the stairs, or up, for that matter, a heck of a lot faster than she can run.
I refuse to buy a bed any bigger than what I currently have for the comfort of Andi. I also refuse to get up at night and sleep elsewhere to ensure her comfort. When looking at pictures of other young dogs it seems that they usually curl up in a ball to sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to me, stretched out to the fullest extent possible, but that's her position of choice. (I also know that sticking her tail straight out and having her tongue hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.) Will she ever learn that there is no secret exit from the bathroom, and if by some miracle I beat her there and manage to close the door it is not necessary to claw and whine and stick her nose and paws under the bottom to try to get the door open? I will exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is to kiss me, then go sniff the other dogs and cats---not the other way around. I cannot stress this enough. And it would be such a simple change. I really do need advise and wisdom, my friends. Lots of it. But in spite of all these short-comings and more, Andi is a beautiful little honey colored ball of fur and I love her dearly. I'm a new "pet-parent" but I'm keenly aware of the complaints voiced by non-pet owners. For many years I was one of them. But for those who visit and like to complain about my baby, I have the following to say...1. She lives here, you don't. 2. If you're afraid there may be hair on the furniture, don't sit down. 3. I like Andi better than I like most people. 4. To you she's just an animal. To me she is a little short and hairy friend who walks on all fours and is speech challenged. But if you look at the big picture, she can be a heck of a better deal than kids. She's not a finicky eater, doesn't ask for money all the time, she's easier to potty train than the kids were, she usually comes when called---usually, she never asks for my keys, doesn't hang out with drug using friends, never calls me collect from jail, I don't need a million dollars to further her education, and when she becomes a mother, well, I can sell part of the results. So maybe she really isn't so bad after all......